Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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