we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
