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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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