Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
