Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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