She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
