Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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