I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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