the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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