The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
