So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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