Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
