So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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