She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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