Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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