After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
