No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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