Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
