I smell stomach acid.
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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