I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
