im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
