There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We need to get me chipped asap
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
