I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
