Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
