Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
