its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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