Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You took a bar mat shot.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
