I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
