I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
