bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i dont even know how to be here
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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