i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
