It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
