Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You ruined the universe
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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