I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
