Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
