did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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