If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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