I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
