Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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