How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
