He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
