I'm so fucking centered right now
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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