Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.