White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
