your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
