One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
