Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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