her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
