I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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