she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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