We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
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