I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
