The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need water and some morals
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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