Swine flu. Run for my life!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
