Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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