I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
