i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
