Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
