the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
