i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
