woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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