I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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