woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize